The Shadow of his past
by ZamarahNoctalgia
Summary: Ludwig and Gilbert have left Kreise in their house while they go out to finish some work. The assistant is nervous and after walking several minutes through the house, he finds himself surrounded of memories and dark secrets he didn't know about Germany. "It wouldn't hurt to know a bit more about your country" he thought. Nazi!Germany Rated M to be safe.


I'm back! This time, I bring you a Nazi!Germany fic that I had written a while back. This is part of greater story, well, most like s 'Hetalia Archive' I'm writing about Historic Hetalia, which means that it is not written from the countries POV, it is the assistants POV. Don't like, don't read.

Warning: This contains themes that my offend some people. There is yaoi, Nazism, suicide and incest. Also, there might be terrible grammar.

I work with these themes in order to make a criticism, a question or to state a fact. This changes depending on the story.

If you don't have a problem reading this, then please, continue and enjoy. I hope you like it :)

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The Shadow of his past

Kreise was pacing nervously through Germany and Prussia's house. Both, the ex-nation and the actual nation were out to take care of some business. Normally, Kreise would have tag along since he was Ludwig and Gilbert protector, but this time they had asked him to stay behind. The German couldn't help but to feel slightly worried. He knew the brothers could take care of themselves but there was always something only Kreise could do, at least that's what he liked to think. He continued walking not caring where he was going and somehow ended in the basement. Kreise found himself in a dark room filled with different things of different time periods. It was all arranged in groups depending on the historic period of the objects. He recognized a lot of things from the early Holy Roman Empire, mainly vases and some clothes. Naturally, a lot of stuff was arranged according to Prussian history, most of the things were reminders of the Teutonic Knights and Friedrich der Große. Engrossed with the all the history that was caged in that basement, Kreise kept examining the objects and remembering all his history studies. After half an hour, he finally reached a group of things that had a heavier and darker feeling to them. A flag with the Swastika was hanging from the wall, falling upon a lot of official documents, some weapons, a pretty old edition of '_Mein Kampf_' along with photos of Hitler while giving some speech or walking in Paris. There was also a very old movie projector and a plain looking lamp that the German almost missed since it was behind everything else. Kresie felt a little bit shocked at the sight of so many Nazi objects together neatly ordered under the same roof. Talking about the Nazi theme or owning anything that symbolized the time when Hitler ruled Germany was strictly forbidden by the government. Being raised with the idea that talking about the Nazi era was taboo, Kreise felt that being in front of those objects was unnerving. He felt especially intimidated by the feeling emitted by the lamp, but he didn't know why. He was about to leave when he noticed the paper that was above all of the documents. It looked like a letter. Kreise could tell that it was written in a rush, so some of the words were barely understandable. He didn't give much importance to the letter until he read the first lines. Unable to contain his curiosity, Kreise grabbed the pages that belonged to the letter and began reading them.

...

(1st person)

_Skin as white and smooth as marble. Thick and masculine jaw. Beautiful cyan blue eyes like marbles. Sharp facial features like a razor. Sculpted body imitating a Greek statue. He is beautiful, simply beautiful. He was the perfect stereotype of a German.__  
Ludwig Weilschmidt  
From the very first time I saw him, his beauty captivate me. From the very first time I heard him talk, I hear his deep voice everywhere.  
"Der Schattenman" he said.  
At the beginning I was only a hunter, well, the best hunter. I knew every single one of their hiding places*. I even won some extra money thanks to the Jews who thought they could bribe me. Strictly speaking, I never broke the promises sealed with money or jewels. They paid and I promised that I would not take them to the Gestapo. Naturally, I later revealed the locations of the Jews to the Gestapo and they were the ones who personally captured them.  
There were few occasions when __**he**__ participated. He usually just interrogated the Jews and then send them to the concentration camps. I have only seen him in action one time and it was... marvelous.  
We were returning to Berlin when a message was handed to us reporting about a small spy group that was following us. At that moment, I was already General Weilschmidt's personal assistant. In the night, the guards captured five Englishmen and took them to the tent of the General. The objective was to obtain information. Anybody could have done it, but he way __**he**__ did it was spectacular. He never lost his cool. He moved in a graceful manner, sliding his hands, touching lightly the shoulders of the Englishmen... His icy blue eyes, the same color of the glaciers, penetrated the scared looks of the prisoners and stopping only when he catches a glimpse of their souls. He held a single razor which he used to leave fine and deep cuts. He asked questions apparently to the air, which were immediately answered. He walked inside the tent, surrounding the prisoners as if dancing a waltz. He cut tendons, behind the knees and in the ankles. It was like a Dance Macabre: beautiful, elegant, dark and cruel. The razor danced from side to side and the spies sang. When the interpretation was nearing its end, the spies died one by one with one last agonic scream. And then, the General stayed silent. His breathing was agitated and little drops of sweat ran down his forehead. His hair was a mess similar to the after sex look. All of him radiated pleasure. Up until that day, I didn't know anything about Ludwig's sadistic tendencies. I'm certain he had and orgasm.  
He is a sinner, the worst of them all. I don't know what was the Führer thinking when he admitted Ludwig as a General. Usually, I'm always assisting him inside his office, but I always wait outside when the albino Prussian General visits. During his visits, I often hear sounds from inside the office and usually they are moans... of pleasure. A voice that asks for more, followed by more moans and, from time to time, the creak of the table. Ludwig Weilschmidt hasn't only ventured in the carnal pleasures, but also in incest. It is known that the albino General is Ludwigs older brother. I don't know if I should feel disgust or scorn, or if I shouldn't care. Anyway, I still admire him, he is still my idol, even more than the Führer... but it's so filthy and it's just wrong. That is what I feel, but I'm not sure if I should. I don't understand why I am still attracted to Ludwig if I think he is filthy. It goes against every politic in Germany and it's disgusting. There is no day that I don't feel nauseous when I think of my attraction towards the General.  
Perhaps it was that which made infiltrate in his house in the night. I honored my name by silently sneaking in the house, like a shadow. I avoided the guards and picked locks until I arrived to the master room. It was very silent and I assumed Ludwig was already asleep. I forced the lock and opened the door slowly. Inside, in the bed, was Ludwig hugging Gilbert Weilschmidt, the albino General, his brother. The two of them were naked, covered only by a thin blanket. Their hair messy and their bodies covered in sweat. The room ricked of sex. I got excited. My breathing became faster and suddenly my uniform pants were too tight. It was repulsive, insulting. I exited the room wanting to vomit in the nearest dump. I escaped the house and returned to mine. In my room, I couldn't resist pleasuring myself. I slowly guided my hand towards my groin and pressed it slightly. Without wasting more seconds, I unzipped my pants and took a hold of my hard rock member. I started stroking it lightly and giving it some pulls from time to time. The rhythm got faster and some moans escaped my mouth. In my mind images of Ludwig pounding me into my bed appeared and kept repeating themselves, causing me even more pleasure. It wasn't long until I came hard on my hand with one final loud moan. It was horrible. After I was done, I felt like I couldn't keep on going, that it was better to end this torture. I zipped my pants again and went to my nightstand. I took out the revolver which was given to me when I became Ludwigs assistant and positioned it aiming towards my brain. But before I resolved to pull the trigger, I decided to leave my suicide note. I don't hope for Ludwig to care about my death, but I want him to know why. That's the reason I'm writing this letter. I guess these are my last words. I feel relieved after writing this, I knew I had to. Anyway, I'll die, and that's what matters. It's better this way, after all, I'm also a fucking Jew._

...

(3rd person)

The pages fell from Kreise's shaking hands. The German had a horrible feeling in his stomach and a disgusting aftertaste in his mouth. The letter contained so many negative feelings that overwhelmed him. He realized just how real the hate towards Jews was, how strong the ideals were. The person who had wrote the letter had been slowly tearing himself apart for quite some time. It wasn't the first time Kreise had read of those kind of cases, but it was the first time he actually found it logical. He felt how real they were and how someone could be easily destroyed by them. The atmosphere suddenly felt much denser and Kreise couldn't take it anymore. He exited the room, not caring about the fallen pages of the letter. He guided himself towards the garden and when he arrived, he laid down on the floor. He breathed deeply, filling his lungs with fresh air. The German laid there for hours and hours, ignoring the rest of the world. He didn't even notice when Ludwig and Gilbert arrived.

...

The blonde nation entered the house carrying a bag of groceries he had bought on the way home. He reminded his older brother to lock the door before going into the kitchen to put away the ingredients for tomorrow's dinner. Ludwig was very tired after a day of heavy work and he could feel the beginning of a headache. Also, Gilbert was annoying the hell out of him since he was going to Moscow to visit Ivan the next week. Seriously, Ludwig loved his brother, but sometimes he wonder why couldn't Gilbert be quieter. It was until Gilbert was entertained playing videogames that Ludwig noticed that Kreise was laying in the garden's floor. He sighted and went outside to check on his assistant. The german boy didn't noticed when his nation approached him.

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" asked Ludwig in a tired voice. When he received no answer, he asked again, but with no luck. Kreise seemed lost in thought and hadn't even looked at his nation. Germany knelt down, placing his hand upon the other's shoulder "Is anyone there?"

Kreise reacted when he felt the hand of Ludwig touching him. Involuntarily, he backed away from the hand. For a split second, Kreise saw a sadistic smile in Ludwig's face felt those icy eyes freezing his soul. Then, as fast as it came, it disappeared and the German recognize the surprised look of the Germany he knew.

"Forgive me! You just startle me. I'll be going now" said Kreise before rushing inside of the house, still scared by the illusion he had just seen.

Ludwig stayed in the gardens a few seconds before entering the house again. 'What had just happened?' Asked Ludwig to himself. He had recognized the terrified look Kreise had given him. It was a look he hadn't seen since WWII. Well, he would find out later, he was too tired at that moment. He headed upstairs and walked towards his room, but stopped when he noticed that the basement door was open. Ludwig didn't remember leaving the door open. He headed to the basement and as he got near, he noticed some pages which were on the floor. At first, this annoyed him. How could he have been so careless to leave some papers scattered on the floor while cleaning? But the feeling quickly melted into something else as he recognized _Der Schattenman_'s suicide letter. Now he understood the reaction of his assistant. He would have to talk with Kreise about the matter.

Ludwig remembered the hunter. While being in 'Nazi mode', he had been too cruel to the boy. He knew the boy's feeling towards him and still made sure that he heard everything that happened between him and his brother. It was just to amuse himself. When he found the hunter dead, a puddle of blood surrounding his head and some more blood and grey matter splattered on the wall, Ludwig didn't really care. When he read the letter, it didn't have any effect on him. Just after the war ended and his Nazi self disappeared, Germany found the letter again and the guilt began filling his insides. It was his fault that everything had happened. Ludwig never managed to forget the young hunter after that.

The nation stared at the letter several minutes before picking it up and placing it on top of the documents again.

"I'm really sorry" he whispered to the twisted memory of the 18 year old boy he had mentally tortured for months before exiting the room and locking the door of his past.

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Please review! I want to know if you liked it, why did you liked it or if you totally hate it. Constructive criticism is welcome :)


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